Sahm
by Jaelle17
Summary: The story of Yfandes and Sahm. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

Standard disclaimer applies.

A/N: I hit some writer's block for Worlds Apart, so I decided to do a little short story in the interim. Readers who have read Worlds Collide may remember that Landon gave Jaelle a cryptic remark about someone named Sahm to make to Yfandes to convince her of the truth. This is their story.

**Chapter One**

"_I know what happened to Sahm," Jaelle said._

_A startled neigh escaped from Yfandes' throat. :How do you know about Sahm?: she demanded. :I never told anyone about him.:_

"_You told me," Jaelle replied softly._

_**---scenebreak---scenebreak--- **_

A polite knock on the solar door interrupted the conversation Fandessa Langen was having with her sister, Aris, as she practiced her music. Fandessa did not mind, however. A conversation with a five-year-old could grow quite tiresome, and Fandessa welcomed the change the interruption brought. After all, a fourteen-year-old girl had different concerns from a five-year-old, and Fandessa longed for some quiet in which she could just sit and think. As much as she loved her sister, she desperately hoped that whoever was on the other side of the door would require her sister's presence, and leave her along with her harp and her thoughts. 

"Come in," she called.

The door opened to reveal the girls' mother, Lady Thena. "Fandessa, the servants are all busy preparing for your father's return from Haven tonight. I thought it would be lovely if we baked some apple pies—those are his favorite, you know—but Miriel cannot leave the kitchen in order to go to the orchard. Would you go pick some apples for her?"

"Oh, can I come, too?" Aris cried, before Fandessa could so much as foment a reply in her mind.

Lady Thena smiled indulgently upon her youngest child and Fandessa couldn't help but notice the new, tired lines that creased her mother's pretty face. Lord Dane hadn't been expected back for two more weeks. Business could not have gone well for him. Fandessa scrutinized her mother's face more closely, but she could detect no signs of concern. Just weariness. Always weariness.

"No, dear," Lady Thena said. "You're too small to reach the apples."

"Of course I'll go, Mother," Fandessa replied, standing and setting her harp aside. The only thing she liked more than music was being out of doors. Ignoring her sister's cries of dismay, she crossed the room and laid a hand on her mother's arm. "Perhaps you should go to bed early tonight. I'm sure Lord Dane will be tired from his journey. He won't even notice."

"Fandessa," Lady Thena began, "how many times must I tell you that I do not like how you refer to your father?"

_When he starts acting like a father, I'll address him as one_, Fandessa thought, but remained silent.

"And of course he will notice my absence," Lady Thena continued, and then favored her eldest with a sad smile. "You know he always does."

"Why must he come back so soon?" Fandessa burst out. "We were so happy when he—"

"Fandessa!" Lady Thena commanded, gripping her daughter's arm. "That is enough."

Fandessa sighed and lowered her eyes. It was as little use to complain about it as it was for a deer to complain about being ensnared. Nothing ever changed.

"Do not be concerned about me, my child," Lady Thena said in a soft voice. "I am well."

Fandessa raised her eyes to her mother's. Lady Thena was certainly _not_ well, but there was nothing to be done. Or, rather, nothing legal to be done. More than once, Fandessa had entertained the notion of finding creative ways to rid themselves of Lord Dane, bastard that he was. Like all other notions, however, nothing had ever come of it.

"I'll be back soon," she said, slipping past her mother and down the stone stairs. With the advent of autumn—early in this northern part of Valdemar—the tower was getting chilly, especially in the early mornings or late evenings. Soon, she and Aris would have to move to the main solar until spring returned. Today, however, was one of those exceptional, warm autumn days, and, leaving her cloak, Fandessa snatched a basket and headed outside into the early afternoon sunshine.

As if the rays had turned back time, Fandessa felt as young as her sister and, with a rare smile on her face, she half-skipped to the orchard. It was glorious to finally be alone with her thoughts. All that was missing was a Bard hiding amongst the trees, playing beautiful music. As she set about her work, however, remembering for whom she was picking the fruit, her smile faded, and she set about to accomplishing her task with a single-minded practicality. So focused was she, she didn't even notice that she had a visitor until she turned and found him—her?—standing there, observing her.

"Oh," she said softly, setting her basket down. "Are you hungry?" Rising, she held out an apple to the shining creature before her.

The Companion, in full formal array, stepped forward and, ignoring her outstretched hand, turned his head to gaze into her eyes.

:_My name is Sahm_: a rich baritone voice rang in her mind. :_And you are my Chosen._:

Fandessa felt a shock course through her whole body, one so delightful, she only vaguely realized that she dropped the apple she'd been holding. It was as though her whole world had collapsed into a sea of peace. For the briefest of moments that, paradoxically, felt like eternity, her soul soared in a joy no music had ever offered.

And then, she was herself again—though not quite the same. It took her a stupid moment of staring at the Companion in front of her to fully realize what had just happened. Without thinking, she took several steps backward.

"No," she said firmly. "You've made a mistake."

_:Companions do not make mistakes, child_: came the musical voice in her mind. :_Let us go.:_

Fandessa shook her head. "I'm not going with you. I must stay here."

The Companion cocked his head. :Why:

"Lord Da—my father," Fandessa replied. "I cannot leave."

Sahm looked at her for a long moment, and Fandessa had the feeling that he was staring into her very soul.

_:Why would you want to stay with a man like that:_ he finally asked.

"Why?" Fandessa echoed. Tears filled her eyes. "_This_ is why." And in one, swift motion, she pulled back the sleeve to her gown, revealing the remnants of a long, ugly bruise. "He gave me this before he left for Haven a month ago. If I leave, _this_—" and she shoved her arm under his nose— "will be my sister's fate. As long as I stay, she is safe from his temper."

_:Here, you cannot protect those you love forever_: Sahm said:_but as a Herald, you can help ensure that such behaviors are done away with throughout all of Valdemar.:_

Fandessa gave a cynical snort. "Lord Dane Langen is a respected noble in this kingdom, and yet, no Herald has ever come to stay his fists. How much less, then, is justice meted to commoners?" She shook her head. "I am not so naive...and I will not go with you."

He just stood there for a long moment. :_As you wish:_ he finally said. And after staring into her eyes once more, he turned and trotted away.

Feeling suddenly empty, Fandessa watched his retreating form until she could no longer see him. There was a lonely, gnawing ache inside of her, one she hadn't known existed until he had first looked into her eyes...and one, she somehow knew, would never go away now that he was gone.

But like all things in her life, there was nothing she could do about that now.

She picked up her basket, and moved on to the next tree. A rustle of leaves to her left made her pause and turn to find her mother making her way through the orchard.

"Is something wrong?" she asked when Lady Thena had drawn close enough to hear her without shouting.

"Jessa said she saw a Companion here," Lady Thena replied, her voice slightly breathless from hope. "What did it want?"

Fandessa knew that her mother would never forgive her if she knew that Fandessa had turned down a Choosing. Since neither daughter had shown signs of either the Healing or Bardic Gifts (though Aris was too young, yet), being Chosen—or marrying—was the only hope Fandessa and Aris had of escaping their father's abuse. But the only eligible bachelors of Fandessa's acquaintance were of her father's bent, and Fandessa knew that her mother prayed daily for a Companion to come and carry them away as soon as possible.

But Fandessa knew that she could never leave, not while Lord Dane was still alive, in any case. To walk away would be to condemn her sister. She had long since learned that she could not save her mother, for Lady Thena refused to leave her husband. Fandessa had even suggested once that the three of them run away and seek the shelter of the goddess at one of the temples—anything would be better than remaining—but her mother had refused, saying that there was no temple that could protect them. Fandessa had only recently come to realize that her mother was doing for her what she was doing for Aris. As long as her mother stayed, Fandessa would be protected. And as long as Fandessa stayed, Aris would be protected.

Fandessa absently rubbed her bruised arm, a reminder that her mother's protection had recently begun to wear thin. How much longer, she wondered, before they would be powerless to protect Aris? Were she to have left with that Companion—with Sahm—Aris would certainly be on the receiving end of her father's wrath much sooner than she might otherwise have been.

Fandessa looked up at her mother. "Nothing, Mama," she replied softly. "It was just hungry."

"Oh," Lady Thena replied, her face visibly falling in response to the news. She turned back towards the house. "I'd best see to your sister."

Tears filled Fandessa's eyes as she watched her mother's soul-weary form grow smaller in the distance. Sinking to her knees, she buried her face in her hands and wept.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I appreciate the feedback.

**Chapter Two**

Fandessa fidgeted in her chair, playing with the folds of her favorite gown, and glanced once more at the time candle in the center of the table. Another half-mark, and it would be midnight, and still, Lord Dane had not arrived.

_Maybe something happened_, she thought, allowing herself to feel an inkling of hope. Sitting at the dinner table for four hours, unable to eat until Lord Dane was there, would be worth it, she reasoned, if the selfish bastard were dead.

Once more, she looked down at her lap, taking her eyes from the trencher before her. Best she not look at the food, lest her stomach get the better of her common sense. Of course, they'd long since sent Aris to bed with a bit of bread and cheese to ensure she'd fall asleep. Fandessa wished she was five years old again—any food would be welcome now. But they knew from past experience that to eat ahead of Lord Dane would be perilous, especially since it couldn't be good circumstances under which he was returning so soon from Haven.

Just as the time candle had burned down to mark the midnight hour, they heard the approaching sound of boots ringing on the stone floor, and Fandessa glanced up at her mother. Lady Thena gave her a small, encouraging smile and rose to greet her husband as he came into the room.

Lord Dane, Fandessa noted, did not so much as acknowledge their presence before sitting down and immediately beginning to eat. He'd not taken more than two bites of his stew, however, before he spit it out in disgust and looked up at his wife.

"Who made this slop?" he demanded, but before Lady Thane could answer, he ploughed on. "Is it so much to ask that a hot meal be on the table when I get home?"

"No, of course not, dear," she replied, "but we had anticipated your arrival several candlemarks ago. You said in your letter—"

Lord Dane's face darkened. "Oh, so your incompetence is _my_ fault? Is that what you're saying?"

Fandessa saw her mother visibly pale. "No, Dane, of course not," she said. "I'm to blame, not you."

Fandessa had the sudden urge to draw her eating dagger and plunge it into his chest.

"And where is Aris?" he demanded.

"She's in bed," Lady Thane replied. "She was not feeling well."

Lord Dane slammed his fist on the table, rattling the dishes. "I don't care if she's bloody nigh dead! She eats when we eat." He looked over at one of the servants who was cowering in the corner. "Go get her."

The servant caught Fandessa's eyes, and she gave a slight nod, which, unfortunately, did not escape Lord Dane's notice.

"And just who do you think you are," he asked, "giving permission to a servant to do what I've ordered?" And he began to draw his fist back.

Lady Thena rose from her seat and darted over to her husband. "No, Dane, it's my fault." For the briefest of moments, she glanced at Fandessa, before turning back to her husband. "I've been ill, so I thought it would be a good time for Fandessa to learn how to manage a household, to prepare her for marriage, while I rested."

Without a word, Lord Dane backhanded his wife across the mouth. "Then you should have also taught her that when I am here, I give the orders."

Watching her mother dab at her cut lip, Fandessa had all she could do to keep from throwing herself at Lord Dane. But just then, the servant returned with a sleepy-eyes Aris in tow.

Lord Dane took one look at her and nearly flew into a rage. "What the hell is _this_?" He grabbed his daughter's arm with one hand and a fistful of her nightdress with the other. He looked down at her. "Is this how you show yourself to your father? Dressed in nightclothes?" With one, swift motion, he ripped the gown and then looked up at Lady Thena and Fandessa, rising from his chair. "Am I to have no respect in my own home?" He picked up his trencher and threw it on the floor. "This isn't fit for pigs!" He turned to Aris, who by now was cowering where she stood, visibly trembling. "And neither are you!" And he backhanded her as he had Lady Thena, the force of his blow sending her flying. She crashed into the floor, her head slamming down onto the hard stone, and lay, unmoving.

Lady Thena cried out and dashed over to Aris' still form as Fandessa shoved her chair back and moved around the table as quickly as she could. She glanced at Lord Dane, who was just standing there with a slightly stunned, almost concerned, expression on his face as he looked at Aris. A moment later, however, his familiar mask of rage was firmly in place.

"See what you've done! This is both your faults!"

Heedless of the consequences, Fandessa ignored him and knelt next to her sister. Blood from a wound on the back of her head was matting her hair. They would need to staunch the flow immediately. Without thinking, she tore a long strip of cloth from her gown and wound it around Aris' head.

"We'll need some tea for the pain and swelling that's likely to follow," Fandessa said to her mother.

She heard Lord Dane snort derisively from above her. "Women. She'll be _fine_. I'm going to bed."

Fandessa did not bother to watch her father leave the room, but once his footfalls had faded, she looked up at the servants. "Fetch some clean rags and make the tea. She'll need it as soon as she wakes up." She glanced up at Lady Thena, who had tears streaming down her face. "_Anything_ is better than this, Mother. Anything."

Lady Thena did not reply, and Fandessa only helped her lift Aris and carry her back to their chamber. They dressed her in a new nightgown and tucked her into bed. Fandessa set about to starting a fire and putting on some water to boil. It was going to be a long night, and there was no telling when Aris would wake.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Lady Thena took her daughter's hand in hers. "I should stay."

"No," Fandessa replied, rising from the hearth. "Lord Dane will be furious if you're not in his bed. There's been enough violence for one night. I'll watch over her."

"Fandessa, I've told you—"

"Don't you _dare_ defend him!" she cried, heartily sick of her mother's familiar rebuke. "Not after what he did to Aris! If you want to respectfully suffer his fists on yourself, then fine! But don't expect me to do the same!"

"He is still your father," Lady Thena replied, near hysterics, "and I won't have you speaking to me in that tone!"

Fandessa flushed. "I'm sorry, Mama," she said. "I don't mean to disrespect you. But while that man may have seeded your womb, he is no father to anyone, least of all _me_."

Lady Thena burst into tears, and Fandessa hurried to her side, kneeling in front of her. "Let's leave, Mama. Let's just take Aris and go, before winter sets in."

Lady Thena just continued to weep.

"Please, Mama," Fandessa urged.

Lady Thena just shook her head. "There's nowhere we could go that he wouldn't find us." She visibly struggled to regain control of herself. "And we can't leave until Aris is well anyways."

"Please, Mama," Fandessa repeated, taking her hand. "Just think about it."

After a moment's hesitation, Lady Thena nodded, and then rose. "I must go." She glanced down at her youngest. "Let me know the moment she wakes."

"I will," Fandessa promised.

Lady Thena departed without reply, and Fandessa heaved a sigh. She knew her mother was terrified of Lord Dane, but surely they could find _somewhere_ in Valdemar where he wouldn't find them! And if not, there was always OutKingdom. It didn't matter to Fandessa. Even Karse would be better than staying here. Still, her mother had agreed to think about it. That was something, and far more than Fandessa had expected, if truth be told.

Fandessa crossed the room to retrieve her harp and returned to sit at her sister's bedside. She tuned the instrument and then began to play softly until her head nodded, and she leaned back in her chair, finally giving in to the heaviness of her eyes.

She dreamt that night of silver and blue.

The sun in her eyes woke her the next morning, and it took her a moment to remember where she was—and why.

She immediately started from her chair and glanced at her sister. Aris' face was a sickly shade of gray and her lips were muted blue. With a cry of dismay, Fandessa placed her hand on her sister's chest, and bent her ear to Aris' mouth.

She felt nothing in either place.

"No!" she wailed, and gathered her sister's body in her arms, rocking her back and forth. "Aris, no!"

Her cries brought the servants to her door, but she ignored their knocking. In spite of this, she vaguely heard them enter the room, heard voices, and felt her sister being taken from her arms, and replaced by a warm, comforting body. She clung to it, and wept herself into unconsciousness.

When she woke, it was to a setting sun shining through the opposite window, and her mother's red-rimmed eyes bent over hers.

"How are you feeling, dear?" she asked.

Tears welled up in Fandessa's eyes, and she sat, throwing her arms around her mother's neck. "Aris is dead!" She pulled back to gaze in her mother's eyes, her own pained and anguished. "I fell asleep, Mama," she confessed. "I didn't mean to—"

"Hush now," Lady Thena said. "It wasn't your fault. There was nothing we could do."

Fandessa looked at her mother's face, the cut lip and puffy eyes. "Let's leave today, Mama. Please? There's nothing left for us here now."

Lady Thena looked away for a moment. "Your father is distraught over what happened, Fandessa. He personally dug Aris' grave and laid her in himself."

"I don't _care_," Fandessa cried. "He isn't worth it!"

Lady Thena lifted her eyes to meet her daughter's. "He swore that he'd never lay a hand on us again."

"He's said that before, Mama," Fandessa replied, exasperated.

"But he means it this time," Lady Thena replied. "I know he does. If you could have seen him with Aris—"

Fandessa pushed herself away from her mother. "He _killed_ Aris, Mama! Or have you forgotten that already?"

"This family is broken apart enough as it is, Fandessa!" Lady Thena cried. "Would you make it worse?"

"I know you're scared, Mama," Fandessa replied, "but we can do this. I know we can."

Lady Thena rose. "You need your rest. Your father has suggested that I bring a supper tray to you tonight, since you're feeling so poorly."

Fandessa could see the hope in her mother's eyes, the hope that Fandessa would forgive Lord Dane, and acknowledge that he really had changed.

She turned her head to stare at the wall. Permission to be absent from the table could not make up for even the slightest bruise, to say nothing of her sister's death.

It wasn't until she heard her mother close the door that she looked back. She blinked away tears. Lady Thena's accession to consider leaving had given Fandessa a hope of escape she hadn't felt in years. Now, however, she knew with certainty that her mother would never find the courage to leave Lord Dane, regardless of how frightened she was. And her fear must be great, Fandessa surmised, if she had convinced herself that Lord Dane had changed. How else could her mother survive, except to believe in that fantasy? Lord Dane, she knew, would never change, and every last part of her hated him. She hated him for who he was, hated him for what he did to Aris. Most of all, however, she hated him for intimidating and beating any hope of escape from her mother's heart. Lady Thena would live and die in her own personal hell, never truly realizing—or believing—that there was a way out. Death, she determined, was preferable to such a life.

Fandessa, therefore, did not intend to allow Lord Dane to do the same to her. She could not save her mother, but she could save herself. No longer would there be nothing she could do. Aris' death had changed all of that.

"Forgive me, Mama," she whispered to the closed door.

Come midnight, she would be gone.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you for your patience and feedback!

**Chapter Three**

Fandessa knelt in the temple of the goddess and folded her hands, assuming the outward pose of one deep in prayer. Inwardly, however, was a different story. Four years, and still she couldn't form a thought to offer the goddess at times like this. She stayed on her knees, silent and still, until they hurt and she could no longer feel her feet. She then rose and made her way out of the temple and back to her company.

"Hey, Aris!" a voice called to her. She turned to find Jaxon, a fellow guardsman, pushing his way through the crowds towards her. "What do you know?" he asked as he drew near, a huge smile on his face. "The queen has finally delivered! A baby girl it is, named Elspeth!"

Fandessa returned the smile and heaved a sigh of relief. Queen Magra had been in labor for more than two days, and the Healers were beginning to worry. "That's great news, Jax," she replied. "Shall we go down to the Sword and Thistle to celebrate?"

"If we can get there," he said, struggling to find a path through the people. "All of Haven will be out to celebrate tonight—we may have to settle for the first tavern we can find!"

While the Sword and Thistle was the favorite haunt of the Haven Guard, they were in a decent part of the city, and Fandessa knew that any tavern in the local area would be suitable. And knowing the local area, most tavernkeeps would be offering free drinks in honor of the new princess.

"Sounds good to me," Fandessa shouted over the general noise of the crowds. They'd started to gather once word of the queen's impending delivery was made earlier that day. She looked about herself. Even after two years, she still couldn't get used to all the people and noise of the capital city.

She'd fled Langen Keep and signed up with the army at the first station she'd come to. She'd toyed with the idea of offering herself as a temple servant, but knew that there was too much fire in her to ever really enjoy that profession. And besides, her father would certainly have looked there first for her. The army, she knew, would provide her food and shelter and an outlet for all her pent-up anger. And given her love for music and pretty gowns, she'd thrown herself on the hope that it would be the last place Lord Dane would ever look for her. She'd even taken on her sister's name to help ensure that, and so far, as much as she'd been able to determine, Fandessa Langen was officially considered dead by all who knew her.

After her training, she'd done a stint on the border with Karse and one near Lake Evendim before transferring to the Road Guard and being assigned to the streets of Haven.

It had been a difficult choice, leaving the army for the Road Guard, but with the option of being assigned to Haven, she knew it was too tempting an offer to pass up. Still, it was a double-edged sword. On the one hand, she could keep an ear out for news of Lord Dane, and know when he was in the city, thus enabling her to send letters to her mother without fear of his knowing. On the other hand, however, she ran the risk of encountering Sahm.

She hadn't been able to forget him, even after four years. Vague, discreet inquiries had told her that he hadn't Chosen another, and since she'd been assigned to Haven, she hadn't seen his name on the list of Companions who'd gone out on Search. Granted, most Chosen found their way to Haven, but she kept close enough tabs on him to know that he was still unbonded.

She couldn't help but wonder if he still thought of her. Even so, she did her best to stay away from the palace area—which wasn't difficult, since it was such a coveted assignment. If he had been able to find her all the way up at Langen Keep, he could easily have found her at a Road Guard station in Haven. The fact that he hadn't come looking for her told her that her rejection of his Choice had been for all time. He would not come for her again.

"Hey, Jax!" Fandessa called, touching his arm to get his attention. "I've got to stop by the station first!" According to the information her station had just received from the northern gate, her father had recently arrived in Haven for the upcoming celebration for the princess, and Fandessa wanted to send a letter to her mother as soon as possible. There was a Herald scheduled to head north the next morning on a circuit that would take him right to Langen Keep, and Fandessa wanted to see if he would take her letter. It would arrive so much sooner by Companion than by horse.

"Okay!" Jaxon called back. "I'll see you at the Sword!"

Fandessa nodded, and turned down a side street, one that lacked the coveted taverns, and thus, most of the crowds. It didn't take her long to reach her station, and was pleased to find it nearly deserted. She needed a few moments of peace and quiet.

She took her sealed letter out of her beltpouch and approached the captain. "Sir," she said, "I have a request to make."

"Aris?" he asked, looking up from his paperwork. "I thought you'd gone long ago."

"I did, sir," she replied, "but there's something I wanted to ask you."

He laid aside his papers, giving her his full attention. "Of course."

She held out the letter. "If it's possible, I'd like to give this to Herald Karnat before he leaves tomorrow morning on his circuit. It's for a friend up north, and the Herald's circuit takes him straight to her hometown. I've got the first duty shift tomorrow, though—"

The captain dismissed the presented obstacle with a wave of his hand. "No one will be up at that hour, anyway. I'm sure you can be back before anyone even notices you're gone."

Fandessa smiled broadly. "Thank you, sir!" She turned to leave, but his voice prevented her.

"Aris, wait," he said. There's something I wanted to ask you, too." He gestured to a chair. "Pull it up."

Fandessa did as she was bid and then sat down. "What is it?"

The captain leaned back in his chair. "I've just gotten word from the palace that the northern border is in danger of being compromised by the summer raiders. The king is calling up the army to go help the Heralds there, and he also sent word to the Road Guard, asking for anyone with army experience to join them." He sat up and caught Fandessa's eyes. "I know you left the army, Aris, but they could really use your help right now."

Fandessa blinked in surprise, never having thought of returning to the army. But after all it had done for her, how could she refuse?

"Of course," she replied. "When do I leave?"

"Tomorrow afternoon," the captain said. "And thank you. This has been a bad year up there."

"It's my honor," she replied, rising. "I'll see you in the morning, sir."

The captain nodded. "Enjoy yourself tonight, Aris." He sighed heavily and turned his attention back to his paperwork. "One of us should."

With a smile, Fandessa left the station and slowly made her way to the Sword. _The army_, she thought. Well, it was summer, so it shouldn't be all that bad, and she'd done border stints before, so she knew what to expect.

She patted her beltpouch, feeling the bulge of the letter to her mother. Hopefully, by week's end, it would be in her mother's hands. She tried to write as often as possible to assure her mother that she was still alive and well. She never signed the letters, and made them as vague as possible, never hinting at her profession or her location. And just to be safe, she wrote with the special ink of the Guard, the kind that faded soon after they were opened. It was meant to be used for sensitive messages, but Fandessa had purchased her own bottle. She didn't want to take any chances that Lord Dane might find her, and even instructed her mother to burn the letters once she'd read them. Best to be safe.

Unfortunately, all of this meant that Lady Thena had no way of getting a letter back to her, especially since Fandessa had changed her name—another fact that she hadn't mentioned to her mother. Still, she considered herself fortunate to be able to send letters at all. She made a mental note to add another, short letter to the one she had, telling her mother that she would be unable to write until the end of summer. That should be enough time to deal with the raiders and get back to Haven and find out where Lord Dane was.

Her plans set, Fandessa pressed her way through the crowds, determined to enjoy her last evening in Haven.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Finally, it's completed!

**Chapter Four**

Fandessa trudged slowly into camp, barely finding the strength to lift one foot to place it in front of the other.

_Thank the gods it isn't winter_, she thought, shifting her grip on the back end of the gurney she was carrying. _From the cold alone, we'd have lost half again as many as we did from the raiders._

She glanced down at the broken body that lay on the stretcher, having given up count of how many they'd brought back to camp from among the trees of their forested battlefield that day. Someone else was keeping track of the numbers, but Fandessa had spent more time bringing bodies back than she had actually fighting.

In spite of all the death, a fierce sense of accomplishment buoyed her lagging spirits and tired muscles. The raiders had attacked unexpectedly, and in greater numbers than even the Heralds had anticipated, but somehow, they'd managed to hold their own, fighting amongst the trees of this thrice be-damned forest, and eventually gaining victory.

_They just wouldn't surrender,_ she thought wearily. _Even when they knew they would lose, they wouldn't surrender._

She gave a tired nod to a pair of passing Heralds on their way out of camp to fetch another body. She would be _so_ glad when the clean-up was over and she could just sit down and rest and—

"Damn!" she yelped, tripping over a concealed root, and nearly losing her grip on the stretcher. She looked up at Eddan, her partner who was walking ahead of her, carrying the front end of the gurney. "Sorry about that."

Eddan favored her with a tired smile. "No worries here, and I"m pretty sure _he_ doesn't mind," he replied, glancing at the corpse between them.

"I hate this forest," Fandessa said, kicking the offending root. "If I never see it again, it will be too soon."

"I know what you mean," Eddan replied. "I'm Haven-born and -bred, and was never much for trees in the first place."

They carried their load to a table behind which sat a Herald and an army captain who were in charge of tallying up the dead among their ranks. The captain took one look at the body and then glanced back down at her paperwork, making some notes.

As they waited for permission to take the body away, a Herald dressed in blood-streaked Whites approached the table, directing his attention to his fellow Herald.

"We've rounded up all the Companions, partnered and not," the Herald said with a heavy sigh. "We have several injuries—two mortal, beyond even the Healers' aid. We've got them warmly bedded down in the stables."

The other Herald closed his eyes for a brief moment. "Who?"

"The Companion Ellyen—her Herald is with her—and the Companion Sahm, unpartnered."

At the mention of Sahm's name, Fandessa gasped, drawing the attention of not only the Heralds, but also the army captain. "Did you say Sahm?" she asked.

"Yes," the Herald replied. "Why?"

Without reply, Fandessa dropped her end of the gurney, and ignoring Eddan's shouts of protest, dashed through the camp, her fatigue forgotten.

Her heart pounding with anticipation and fear, she rushed into the stables, pushing past the Healers and Heralds who had gathered around the wounded Companions, pushing her way to the far end stall where one, lone Herald kept vigil over a Companion who lay unmoving on a bed of straw.

She had known that unpartnered Companions had joined the battle, but she had no idea that Sahm was among their ranks. As though it were at that very moment, and not years past, she could feel herself falling into his eyes and hear his voice in her mind. Tears filled her eyes as she glanced up at the Herald.

"Is he dead?" she whispered.

The Herald shook his head. "Soon, I'm told."

"May I?" she asked, glancing at Sahm.

If the Herald thought her request strange, he didn't show it. He merely nodded, and rose, stepping over a bucket of grain on his way out of the stall.

Without a word, Fandessa stepped into the stall and knelt next to Sahm's head. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she caressed his cheek and brought her lips close to his ear. "Sahm," she whispered.

Sahm's eyes opened and Fandessa could see him struggling to focus on her.

_:Fandessa:_

"Yes."

:_They said—you were dead_.:

"No," she replied. "I'm right here."

_:I'm sorry,_: came the whisper in her mind.

Tears streamed down her face. "For what?"

_:Do you remember how I said Companions don't make mistakes:_ Sahm asked. :_I was wrong. I should never have left you_.:

"No," Fandessa said, "_I_ should never have left _you_." Brushing away tears, she softly drew her fingers through his mane. "This is all my fault. If I hadn't sent you away, you'd be in Haven now, safe at the Collegium."

_:I told them about your father when I got back to Haven:_ Sahm said. :_I was hurt by your refusal, but I—I went back. But you were gone, dead your mother told me.:_

"I'm sorry," Fandessa sobbed. "I'm so sorry." She brushed away more tears and tried to pull herself together. "I'm here now," she whispered. "You can—"

_:No,_: he replied, cutting her off. :_You have your whole life before you. I won't risk that._:

"Forgive me," she wept, burying her face in his mane.

_:There is nothing to forgive, my—:_

His mindvoice ended abruptly and Fandessa raised her head to see the light in his eyes quietly fade.

"No," she cried. "Oh, please, no."

A soft white nose pushed itself into her face, and Fandessa glanced up to see a Companion, whole and healthy, standing before her.

_:He loved you very much:_ came a soft, female voice in her mind, _:and so do I...:_

Fandessa's breath caught in her throat as, for the second time in her life, she fell into a pool of blue. A wave of comfort and love washed over her pain, sharing it with her, and imparting a certainty that she would never be alone again.

_:...my Chosen.:_


End file.
